Does Sharing a Bed With a Partner Affect Your Sleep?

Sharing a bed with a romantic partner can be comforting and improve your sense of safety, but it also presents challenges that may impact the quality of your sleep.

It is often seen as a given that if you have a romantic partner, you will share a bed – particularly if you live together. But what impact does this have on the quality of your sleep?

Different sleeping habits, such as a night owl paired with an early riser, or a partner who snores, can lead to poor sleep and even sleep deprivation.

Here are the pros and cons of sharing a bed with your partner.

Sub-optimal conditions

A few things are generally needed for a great night’s sleep. This includes “dark, cool and quiet” – says Dr Zoe Gotts, consultant clinical psychologist at The London Sleep Centre.

With this in mind, Gotts says: “Sharing a bed with someone can be bad news. If your partner snores, fidgets, makes you feel too hot, or simply has unrestful sleep, this will inevitably have an impact on you.”

These interruptions or disturbances can have a detrimental effect.

“When we are woken during the night, our movement through the different stages of sleep is interrupted. It can also have a knock-on effect on health,” says Theresa Schnorbach, sleep scientist at Emma, The Sleep Company.

“We may get less of the restorative early stages of sleep – the stage that helps improve memory, learning, reaction time and logistical reasoning.

“If disturbances from a partner become a regular issue, it could lead to long-lasting health problems,” she adds. “Sleep deprivation has been found to reduce the sensitivity of receptors and communication between brain regions, ultimately changing the make-up of the brain.”

Oxytocin

It’s not all bad news, though. There are certainly some potential benefits to our wellbeing to be had from sharing a bed with a partner too – a boost in oxytocin being one of them.

This hormone is associated with a range of positive effects, including helping us feel relaxed, close and bonded.

“Multiple studies have shown that sharing a bed with a partner can help improve slumber,” says Schnorbach. “It opens up the possibility of cuddling, which can reduce your core temperature.

“Sleeping with your backs touching, or with your hands or feet touching, can offer a similar effect,” she adds. “These sleep styles give you enough physical connection to release oxytocin, while allowing you more freedom under the covers.”

Sex and sleep

Schnorbach says: “Sex is another benefit of sharing a bed, and can aid sleep.

“One of the biggest contributors to poor sleep is raised levels of the stress hormone, cortisol. Sex helps to reduce stress by releasing oxytocin, a hormone that works as a stress regulator. This helps us relax, allowing a better quality of sleep,” she explains.

“Orgasming also releases prolactin, a unique hormone that has the primary function of promoting rapid eye movement (REM) sleep.”

Incompatible patterns

Sharing a bed may not work if you and your partner’s sleep habits differ greatly, however. For example, what if one person like staying up much later than the other? What if your partner wants to watch TV or read in bed, but you need silence and the lights out at a certain time?

It’s important to take these things seriously and find solutions that work for everyone.

“You need to assess the needs and sleep patterns of both you and your partner, and make a decision that is right for you both,” says Schnorbach. “If you choose to sleep with your partner, I recommend that you aim to go to bed at the same time, in order to reap the benefits of sleeping together.

“It may take some time to work out a routine that suits you both, but as with any relationship, communication and compromise are key.”

Tips for Sharing a Bed with Your Partner

Here are actionable tips to ensure you and your partner enjoy a good night’s rest together and improve your sleep quality.

1. Invest in a Larger Bed or New Mattress

A larger bed provides more personal space, reducing disturbances caused by tossing and turning.
If your current mattress is old or uncomfortable, consider investing in a new mattress designed to minimize motion transfer. This can go a long way in improving your shared sleep experience.

2. Use Separate Blankets

Sharing a single blanket can lead to tug-of-war during the night. Separate blankets ensure that each person maintains their ideal sleeping temperature and avoids disruption.

3. Consider Separate Rooms or Beds

If sharing a bed consistently leads to poor sleep, separate bedrooms or separate beds might be the solution. This concept, often referred to as a “sleep divorce,” has gained popularity as couples prioritize better sleep and mental health.
Sleeping in different rooms doesn’t mean your relationship is in trouble—it can actually strengthen it by ensuring both partners get quality sleep.

4. Address Snoring and Sleep Disorders

If your partner snores, they might suffer from obstructive sleep apnea. Encourage them to consult a doctor and, if necessary, use a CPAP machine to improve their breathing and overall sleep health.
Untreated sleep disorders can significantly impact both partners’ sleep quality and mental health.

5. Sync Your Sleep Schedules

Misaligned circadian rhythms can disrupt your REM sleep and other sleep stages. Try to align your sleep schedules as much as possible, even if you’re a night owl and your partner is an early bird.
Going to bed and waking up together can promote a sense of intimacy and improve your overall sleep experience.

6. Set Clear Boundaries for Your Side of the Bed

Establishing a designated side of the bed helps avoid unnecessary friction. Stick to your side and ensure the space is comfortable for both partners.

7. Maintain Good Sleep Hygiene

Limit screen time before bed, keep the bedroom dark and cool, and follow a consistent bedtime routine. These habits promote quality sleep for both you and your partner.

8. Communicate About Sleep Needs in a New Relationship

If you’re in a new relationship, talk openly about your sleeping habits, preferences, and concerns. This early communication can prevent misunderstandings and pave the way for a better sleep experience together.

9. Use Technology to Your Advantage

White noise machines, earplugs, or blackout curtains can help minimize disruptions caused by your partner’s movements or external noise.

Sharing a bed with your partner can be a challenge, but these tips can help you navigate different sleeping habits and ensure you both enjoy a good night’s sleep.

Prioritising sleep health not only benefits your circadian rhythms but also strengthens your bond with your partner.